A Limited Experience in Horror

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I don’t really do horror. I’m naturally jumpy as it is (my hamster scared me to death the other day by very slowly standing up at the side of his cage) and on a good day I’ll be able to get through the night without feeling creeped out by the bathroom mirror. Mirrors, ugh…

As a result I have a limited experience in horror films and even books (Dementors were much scarier on paper, thank you very much), but like most of the human race I want to watch something scary, possibly just to say I’ve done it. This is often a mistake. This is just a handful of ‘scary’ movies I’ve watched and sometimes regretted.

1. Scream and Saw

I put these together because I watched them around the same time. Not much to say really. Great films (that’s Scream 1-3 and Saw 1 & 2), not really scary. I preferred Scream because I had to guess whodunnit. I did not guess…

2. The Woman in Black

Bitch, get out of the window!

Synchronised screaming may have occurred

Nothing says ‘I’m very scared right now’ like screaming the f-word at the screen because some bitch appeared in the window. It was synchronised screaming because the woman in black was also screaming. It was pretty funny, you know, after my heart started beating again. I think it was just that bit scarier because I had a dream where that actually happened. We went into this film (or at least, I did) thinking that hey, it’s only a fifteen, how scary can it be? Pretty scary, actually. There were jumps scares (always expecting, never ready), creepy ghost people, equally creepy toys, scary children. I don’t remember if I managed to sleep in the dark that night, but I definitely slept on my back.

3. Fragile

A creepy hospital is no place for children

A creepy hospital is no place for children

I loved this film. The story was fantastic with a twist at the end that I managed to work out about a minute before they told me what it was. If you’ve not heard of it, basically doctors and nurses are trying to clear out an old hospital where a tragedy occurred several years ago. Unfortunately, a creepy spirit doesn’t want the children to go. Creepy shit ensues. We watched it in the daytime, so come the night I would have safely forgotten, because it was pretty scary in places. And I did forget, until about 11 o’clock when I went to hang up my washing and my house mate said, “Make sure the scary girl isn’t up there.” As you can imagine, I really didn’t want to go upstairs after that. My reaction went a little like this, “F*** you!” Slept with the light on that night and I so could not cope with my own bedding. Watch the film, then you’ll get it.

4. Uninhabited

Bad actors point at things

E.T go home?

Quite possibly the most horrible thing I have ever watched. The acting was so abysmal that it made me laugh. The ghost which haunted the island (yeah) spent the entire movie pissing around playing tricks on the aussie couple rather than just killing them and having done with it. On the brighter side of things, she was very pretty for a homicidal spirit. It’s based on a true story and if someone told me this story my answer would be as follows, “Cool story, bro.”

5. The Mist

Tentacles will eat you

Tentacles? I don’t even…

I have mixed feelings about this film. While the human element was very good it could not fully make up for what ended as a fairly disappointing film. I was excited about it when I put it on. A mist that kills people? Hell yeah! Then there was a huge tentacle and I was disappointed. I don’t have a problem with monster movies, Alien is my favourite, but I was promised killer mist and it was not delivered. But, like I said, the film excels in its human element as a group of people trapped in a shop try to survive against the mist. While I wasn’t scared, there were parts that did shock and disturb me a little and Toby Jones had a gun so everything was OK. All in all, I’d watch it again.

6. The Amityville Horror

Ryan and his wife have moved in to the house from hell

I’m sure I’d feel better watching this film if I was clinging to Ryan Reynolds

Based on a true story. That makes this a whole bunch scarier. I watched the newer version with Ryan Reynolds and I have never been more terrified in my life (except maybe the time someone set fire to the test tube I was holding). I don’t even know what happened in most of the film because after the first couple of scares I started to watched through my fingers. There was a lot of ‘Ian! Ian what’s happening?” because I didn’t want to look. I never want to experience it ever again! I slept with the light on for at least two nights after and I had to sleep on my back for a week because I needed to be able to see all of my room at all times, just in case. No. Just no.

7. The Eye

Something is seriously wrong with this man's face

Jess! He’s behind you!

I tried to watch this on my own, but I chickened out a little after Jessica Alba got her new eyes. Watching it again with a friend, it wasn’t really as scary as I thought and all in all it was a good film, kind of like The Mothman Prophecies in a way (also an excellent film). Sure, it had it’s creepy moments and a creepy dead kid which is always a no, but I slept well that night.

And now I’m watching Dead Set, which is sure to be fun because I hate zombies. More than that, I hate zombies that can still run. That’s just not fair. Aaand searching for pictures for this post has creeped me out. Yay.

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One response to “A Limited Experience in Horror

  1. Thanks, I’ll have to look for Fragile and The Woman in Black. To watch when my husband is home and can keep the monsters away. 🙂

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