Category Archives: Novels

Almost a Your Face Joke

I gave myself a little chuckle while I was writing War for the North yesterday (now testing the title The Longest Shadow instead). I came this close to writing a ‘your face’ joke and I had to share.

Finneas peered at the woman, making no effort to disguise his scrutinising gaze. Subtlety had never been his strong point in the face of commoners.

“What do you suppose happened to her face?”

“Well whatever it was, I know you won’t be happening to her face.”

“She’s far too skinny,” Finneas said. “All skin and sinew by the look of it. Not a whore at any rate. Not with that face.”

Arwell was about to make a remark about Finneas’ own face when Prince Marle stalked into the throne room. The crowd knelt before him as he made his way to the throne, his expression one of perpetual irritation.

© Jessica Wiles, 2013

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Audrey: From Hull with Love

My name was Audrey Applebottom and on a cold Tuesday morning I woke up to the screech of my alarm. It sounded more like someone had hit the self-destruct button in a secret missile facility in Newport, South Wales, than a normal alarm. Not that I, a poor old woman, would know anything about that.

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Awkward Love Triangle Appeared!

When it comes to writing love interests I like to have everything planned before hand, so with War for the North my main character, Lind, had two love interests: Guth, her silent bodyguard, and Colm, the knight. It was going well, the plan was she’d be in love with Guth until she found him with a prostitute at which point she would fly into a rage and make plans to humiliate him. After a long hard think about her life, she would fall for the charms of the handsome and loyal Colm. That was the plan anyway.

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War for the North – Meeting the Lords

Lord Wolsey’s chambers were grander than Middle City and the City of the Mountain put together. The central room was round and had a long table for dining at its centre, the walls were decorated with banners in the Wolsey colours. A spiral staircase took Lind to her room at the top of the tower, while Guth and Colm had rooms below hers. There were five rooms altogether and Lind supposed Lord Wolsey had a lot of guests. Her room consisted of a table, although Colm called it a desk, and a large feather bed. Lind had only slept in a bed a handful of times, but never had she slept in a bed so soft. Lying on it was almost unbearable. There was a large wardrobe, as Colm called it, where she should put her clothes, though Lind explained that she only had the clothes she wore. The room was otherwise sparse. It had none of the decorations that the dining room had, though Colm explained it was due to Lord Wolsey’s recent death. He left her to settle into her room, taking Guth with him.

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Between Fools and Kings – A Terrible Reunion

Noise. That was one thing they didn’t have much of back in the wilderness of Fadirland and right now it was music to his ears. Merchants battled to make the loudest pitch, horses snorted and whinnied, children screamed and cackled; it was bliss. Noise meant civilisation, a change of clothes, a hot shower instead of the filth he had spent the past month living in – if you could call such an existence living. Truly’s company urged their horses through the bustling crowds towards the stables where Welkand kept his horses. Truly had decided that he liked horses; his steed was gentle yet firm and could run like a bat out of hell.

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Across the Wall – Fernell’s Last Stand

Everyone ducked swiftly as a loud bang sounded followed shortly by a bullet whistling overhead. Fernell turned to the opposing soldiers and snarled. Emma jumped to her feet but he held a hand up to her.

“You keep going,” he ordered. “I’ll deal with them.”

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Across the Wall – Everyone Drinks Far Too Much

“Ale! Ale for my good friends here!”

The innkeeper brought five tankards of frothy ale over to the table where Emma and her four companions were sat. She had been completely correct about Fernell’s drinking privileges and, for this one night only, his drinks were on the house.

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